I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
