i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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