All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
