he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
