DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize