Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
