Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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