Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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