Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize