if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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