He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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