i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
