I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
