That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
