but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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