bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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