just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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