So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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