it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
