I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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