I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we're making bets on your personal life
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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