Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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