I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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