He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
