I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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