my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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