i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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