Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
