last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
