R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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