I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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