Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
