bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
