I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize