That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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