I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
