ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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