i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
