Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
