OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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