i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sorry my hands just texted you
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am one with the molecules
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
