There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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