sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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