Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
