I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
