I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
