So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize