We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize