Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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