Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
