I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
