Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
