Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
