How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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