Yo dont text me then not text me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
