Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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