Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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