I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
