Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
