I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
