he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
