i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
