I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
