I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
