your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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