Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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