i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and she was petting her beer can
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
