So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
