If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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