We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
