yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
