Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
