Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
