Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
