uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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