remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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