C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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