I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
