I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize