she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
And then he peed in my hair
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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