is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
