Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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