Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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