seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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