franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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