hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
