Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
