Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
