I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
