I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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