Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
