the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
