In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just had sex on a roof
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
