I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
