even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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