He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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