I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
