I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
