It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
