i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
