I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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