I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize