Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
