We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
